So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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