There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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