and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
