i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
