can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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