At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
