Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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