Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
