i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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