i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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