I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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