hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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