that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He better not be in your backpack
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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