i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
