That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
