he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
last night I used snow as a chaser
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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