How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
