either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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