I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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