I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Welp...herpes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
