Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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