No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When did angry sex become our thing?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
