I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
