Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
