I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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