I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
I couldnāt resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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