i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
