I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
