If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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