The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
