i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize