I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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