I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
