Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found puke in my bra..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
