Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
