A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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