Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
