My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
