u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
