I faked an abortion last night.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
