dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
