I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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