drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
