Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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