Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
