i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
