I heard we made out
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
