Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
