When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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