No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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