What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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