Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
God, you're like boner-b-gone
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
