It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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