The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
