Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
