Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
