i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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