Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
