I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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